So how can you attract your man?  Especially when you’ve tried everything you can think of to do!

The good news is you usually don’t have to work harder or stress as much as you do now.  You just have to learn how to look at relationships in a new way.

It starts with how you think.

In my coaching programs, I spend as much time teaching how to reframe who we are in relationships in a way that serves us as I do the understanding and information on how we act and communicate differently as men and women.

Why? Because it’s through understanding who we are in relationship that makes all the difference in how we relate to another.
When we reframe our attitudes and belief systems around relationships, then combine them with the understanding of how we operate as men and women we dramatically increase our chances of having a long-term, successful, intimate relationship!

To help you start rethinking and bringing love into your life, here are six mantras you can say to help you meet and marry your man.

Mantra #1: “I am responsible for my relationship success.”

We alone are responsible for our relationship success (or lack of it.) Know that where you are right now in terms of relationship success is a direct result of your own actions. Blaming other people or circumstances will prevent you from moving forward in love.

If you truly believe your circumstances are attributable to the actions of others and that you were powerless and had no control over your situation, you are also powerless to change your life now. The good news is, accepting responsibility for your relationship success gives you complete permission and the power to build the future you’ve always wanted.

We are responsible in creating our own lives–life doesn’t just happen to us. You need to believe the same if you want to improve your love life and your romantic relationships.

Mantra #2: “I learn about relationships from people who have successful romantic relationships.”

Consider who are you taking relationship advice from: single friends and family who struggle with dating and divorce, single dating coaches or successful mentors who have proven they know how to make a marriage last?

Successful people take advice from more successful people than they are in most businesses as well as love.  They also continually learn and advance their knowledge about relationships, communication and what it takes to have a long-term, intimate, continuous relationship. Take time to learn from those who know and get support.

Mantra #3: “I take care of myself first.”

Until you learn how to really take care of yourself, the universe will not support you. Learning to love and take care of yourself requires discipline. It means not doing something for someone else unless you feel good about doing it. 

It means taking care of yourself by working out, eating well, getting rest and staying away from toxic men and toxic situations. 
If you don’t take care of yourself and feel good, you ain’t good for anyone else.

Mantra #4: “I am open, available and receptive.”

When you want a romantic relationship, you must be open and available to receive what the universe presents.  Are you seeing opportunities, potential dates and romance? Or are you seeing no available men, no dates and only geeks?

Love comes from unexpected places.  Often we’re quick to judge the external package before getting to know the person inside.  Do your best to stay open, available and receptive to those who present on your path.

Mantra #5: “I love to receive–especially from men.”

If you have trouble receiving what a man has to offer, you probably have trouble receiving love in relationships. It’s amazing how we think we’re receiving when we really aren’t.

It can be as simple as when a man says, “what a beautiful dress” and we respond, “Oh this?  I got it on sale.”  Without receiving the man’s compliment, we slam what he has to offer and deny his joy of giving.

This is something we need to work on constantly. Next time a man gives you a compliment, an invitation or a phone call, simply smile and say, “Thank you. I appreciate that.”

Mantra #6: “I enjoy giving back in appreciation.”

Just recently I was speaking with a friend over lunch. She was telling me about a new man she’s been seeing and how nice it is that he has taken her out several times. 
When I asked her how she was giving back in appreciation, she looked at me and said, “I thought it was the man’s responsibility to take me out.”   It is initially, however when a man takes you out two or three times, give him something back in appreciation. 
Cook him a meal.  Send him a card.  Invite him to a concert or dinner party.  Men like to feel appreciated for their generosity. It’s important for you to acknowledge and reward him when he does something nice for you.

No matter what anybody thinks … Presentation is important.
 
This man didn’t even realize how poorly he presented.  He’s not alone.  Even as women, we don’t realize how we are perceived when we meet a man for the first time. 
 
Here are three ways to make a favorable first impression on your man.
 

1.  Dress Your Part
 

When going out to meet your man, it’s important to look your best.  I know this sounds like a no-brainer, but often we aren’t aware of what “our best” means. 
 
Are you wearing the best clothes for you?  Does the color enhance your face and bring out your eyes?  Does what you’re wearing fit you?  Do your clothes flatter your body or hide it? Is it your style? 
 
Dressing like a teenager because it’s the latest style is not dressing your part.  You want your clothes to support you.  You want to wardrobe to highlight your best features … your lips, your eyes or your slender waist.
 
Your man wants you to look good.  He’s attracted to you visually, so give him something nice to see.  
 
Wear something soft.  Wear something touchable.  And don’t forget to wear your smile!
 

2.  Act Your Part
 
Are you courteous?  Do you listen?  Do you let him show you who he is?
 
Or do you impress him with your accomplishments and entertain him with your stories first?
 
Who’s leading the date?  Your man or you?
 
No matter how strong we are as women, we like it when a man takes the lead.  We want our man to invite us out and make a plan.  

When we ask for his number or call him or text … we’re playing the part of the Hero.

When we impress him with our success at work, we turn our date into a business deal.
 
So with your man, you must act your part. 
 
That means if he’s acting the part of the masculine Hero, you’re acting the part of the feminine “Ingenue.”  That means being available and receptive to his lead.  It means being open to his ideas and hearing what he has to say. 
 
See if you enjoy being with him and if he’s interesting.
 
Every romantic relationship has two leading roles.  Acting your part is crucial for being in a healthy, long-term relationship.  And that (as far as I know) will never change.
 

3.  Speak Your Part
 

Do you talk too much?  Are you critical?  Do you judge?
 
Do you say “Yes” to his ideas?  “Thank you” to his compliments?  And “Please” to what he offers?
 
When it’s uncomfortable can you say “No” and mean it?
 
How we speak to our partners is how we build intimacy with them.  We don’t want to go competitive by talking too much or being critical of his suggestions or judging what he’s wearing.  We want to communicate and understand him.

 
A man’s brain and a woman’s brain are so different that it’s amazing that we get together in the first place. 
 
As women, it’s in our best interest to understand a man’s language and how he takes in information so that when we speak, he can hear us and understand us.  
 
In a romantic relationship we must know how to speak to our men.  Period.  They simply don’t have the vocabulary or the capacity to speak like us.
 
So next time as you prepare to make a favorable impression to meet your man remember … how you dress, how you act and how you speak … can determine the success (or lack of success) in your romantic relationship.

 
Should she call Ray back or just let it pass?
 
Should she be blunt and tell Ray she’s not interested?
 
Should she tell a little lie like, “I just started seeing someone and I want to see where it goes before I date anyone else.”
 
What would you do?
 
How would you say “No” after you’ve already said, “Yes?”
 
As the Hollywood Dating Director, I’d be remiss if I gave you excuses to blow a man off without first encouraging you to take a risk, call him back and “practice date” him (aka “duty date.”)
 
If you’re dating, it’s a good idea to receive what’s coming to you and rehearse on men you’re not interested in.  (I know … NOT what you want to hear.)
 
However, there are times when you might say “yes” to a man, then regret it.
 
Instead of punishing him by accepting a date (knowing in advance you’ll have a bad time …)
 
Instead of calling him back and saying you’re not interested (no need to go there …)
 
Instead of ignoring his call (then risk running into him again …)
 
It’s important you acknowledge his invitation and act with respect when you decline.

1.  Honor Your Feelings
 
If you’ve said “yes” and really don’t want to go out, then don’t.  You don’t have to.  You may be missing an opportunity, but if you’re not in the place to enjoy it, save yourself (and him) the aggravation.

2.   Respect His Invitation

Call him back.  Tell him how much you enjoyed meeting him and appreciate his invitation to go out.
 
3.  Lie for Love

When a man invites you out, it’s flattering.  He’s expressing his interest.
 
There’s no need to clobber him with the truth that you’ve changed your mind and are no longer interested.

 
Instead, lie for love.  Tell him as much as you would enjoy going out, there is another man you’ve been seeing and out of respect to your relationship with him, you’re not free to date.
 
Should the situation change, you’ll let him know.  Thank him again and wish him well.

 
This way, if you ever see each other again, you have both “saved face.”

If you liked today’s article, you’ll absolutely LOVE The Role of a Lifetime Home Study Course!
 

1.  Catch His Eye
 
Catch his eye and smile for five seconds.  Yes, it’s tough.  Yes, it feels like forever and you feel like a slut. Your lip sticks to your teeth because all the saliva has drained out of your mouth and down to your pits.
 
But it’s important to do it anyway.
 
Catch your man’s eye and hold the gaze long enough to see if he’s interested, available and safe to meet you.
 
If he is, he will approach you. 

2.   Wait for Him to Speak

When your man approaches you, let him speak first. Let him start the conversation. Let him say whatever he wants to say. 
 
It’s tough when your man is thinking of what to say to you for the first time.  He doesn’t want to look like an idiot.  He wants to say something that will impress you or make you laugh. He wants your respect.
 
So no matter how awkward or clumsy it feels, just sit, smile and wait for him to speak.
 
Even if he says something stupid like, “Where’d you get your shoes?” (You’ll laugh about it later.)  Your man is brave.  He’s a hero.  It takes courage for your man to walk across the room and say “hello.”
 
3.  Follow the Leader

After he speaks, be receptive to whatever he says. Let him talk and lead the conversation.  He’ll tell you who he is.  He’ll give you a lotta good info.
 
This is good news for many reasons:
 
You don’t have to be clever.  You don’t have to perform.  You don’t have to impress him with your accomplishments.  You get to relax, listen to his stories and be entertained by them or not. 
 
Hear what he says.  Hear what he’s offering.  See how he makes you feel.
 
Your man will want you and show you he does.  He will ask for your number, make a plan to see you and care about your feelings.

 
If he’s not your man, he won’t do these things. Instead, he’ll ask you to call him and expect you to want him more.  And if he does make a plan, he will rarely follow through. 
 
And that is how to meet your man.
 

Not only is it a great place to socialize, Karen finds church to be a great place to meet new men.

The problem is, Karen is unsure how to know if man she finds cute is really interested in meeting her.

Karen is not alone in her dilemma.

How can you tell if a man is really interested in meeting you?

1.  Signal Him By Smiling for 5 Seconds

Three seconds is polite.  Four is not enough.  Five gets attention.

Yes, it’s terrifying.  Yes, you feel like you’re inviting him to molest you on the spot.  Yes, your armpits are sweating and your lip gets stuck on your tooth…but do it anyway.

A man needs to know you’re interested before he feels safe enough to approach.  Men who approach you without being signaled are usually drunks or nerds.

A man who walks across a room to speak to you after you’ve signaled him with a smile is DEFINITELY interested!

2.  Understand the Power of Speaking First

If you see a man you’re interested it’s best you not speak first (unless you want to pick him up, invite him out and pay for it.)  (There’s nothing wrong with that…just be conscious.)

If you speak to a man first, not only does it set you up to pursue him…you don’t know if he’s REALLY interested in you or just being polite.

I know of a woman who met a man in a coffee shop.  She approached him and said, “I don’t know if you’re married or not, but I think you’re cute.”

They began seeing each other and after a couple months, she found out he was indeed married.

When she questioned him, he said, “You told me when we met you didn’t care if I were married.”

Oooops!  Imagine her surprise.

3.  Don’t Take Rejection Personally

Sometimes you smile (or drop a handkerchief or trip him) and he just ignores you.

When this happens, don’t take it personally.  It’s true that he may not find you attractive…but it could be because he’s not available.

Maybe he’s married.  Maybe he’s gay.  Whatever.

Move on.  Brush yourself off and smile at the next man you find appealing.

For more ideas on how to keep him interested, check out: The Role of a Lifetime: How to Star in Your Own Love Story Home Study Course!

Sadly, Denise was choosing men based solely on their power, position and purse. 

Her unstable income as a writer triggered Denise’s insecurity and lack of self worth in relationships.  This showed up in her inability to say “no” to a man she thought could take care of her. 
 
In essence, Denise was looking for a “Prince” to rescue her financially.
 
The problem was Denise didn’t know how to negotiate her own value and self worth with these wealthy men so she kept getting disappointed and used. 

To make matters worse, Denise didn’t really like the men she was dating.  Yes, they took her to great restaurants.  Yes, she was impressed with their power.  But they didn’t treat her well.  Most were jerks, players or married.
 
Fortunately, Denise learned her relationship and insecurities around money were keeping her from having the prosperous, intimate romantic relationship she dreamed of.
 
Bit by bit, Denise began opening herself up and dating a wider variety of men.  In so doing, Denise started feeling better about herself.  She had more men to choose from so she didn’t feel as desperate.  She started taking her time and seeing what a man truly had to offer.
 
Now, Denise is dating a great guy who doesn’t have a flashy car, but treats her well and offers her a good return on her investment of time, energy and self-worth.

Ladies, there is nothing wrong with your wanting a man in power who has a nice income.  Absolutely nothing wrong with wanting that. 

But are you limiting your romantic possibilities because of your judgments, values and belief systems?  (What you think you want, you may not be prepared to have.)
 
Do you pass up dates because of the car he drives or where he lives or what he does?
 
Are you looking for a man to rescue you financially?
 
If so, you may want to look at other “gold” a man can bring.  Men are unlimited in supply and what they can offer.  You do not have to limit your choices when life gives you a banquet.
 
By shifting your energy, expanding your mindset and increasing your knowledge of how relationships work, you give yourself many more choices.
 
Once you learn the secret of how a successful relationship works, you’ll use it the rest of your life … in love and business.  If you don’t master the art of men and money now, you are sadly sabotaging your chances for romantic success.
 

 
If you choose A, you’re not giving him the right to be who he is.  (Most men don’t go for controlling bitchy women … even if they are cheap.)
 
If you choose B, you’re building a friendship.
 
If you choose C, you’re willing to take a risk on building an intimate relationship.
 
So if you decide to negotiate … how would you do it?
 
1.  Give Him Permission to Ask for What He Wants
 
Even if you don’t like the fact he asked you to pay, he has a right to ask for what he wants.
 
If he’s someone you want to build an intimate relationship with, it’s in your best interest to acknowledge it.
 
So tell him he has every right to ask you to pay your share.
 
2.  Tell Him How You Feel
 
If you don’t feel comfortable splitting the tab, tell him.
 
Let him know you respect men who are generous and protective.  In return you’ll feel more vulnerable and receptive to his lead and ideas.
 
Although it can be scary, it’s in your best interest to feel a little indebted to a man you’re dating.  As you feel safer and cherished by his generosity, you’re better able to open up sensually and sexually.
 
3.  Make an Agreement
 
Ask him what he wants to do.
 
Does he want to pay the bill and establish himself as the respected “Hero” in the relationship?
 
Or does he prefer to find someone else who will split the check and be his friend?
 
Knowing how to negotiate helps build intimacy in your romantic relationships.
 
Do you end up “blowing it” or selling yourself short because you don’t know how to communicate and negotiate the business side of romance.
 
Do you want better romantic results?  Then please join me for a complimentary LIVE tele-class, the “Art of Men and Money: How to Negotiate the Business of Romance” on Monday, March 22 at 5:00 p.m. PST.
 
Register at: http://www.artofmenandmoney.com/optin

This is an option.  You can call him.  You can chase.  You can invite him out, pick him up and pay.
 
Because when you call a guy, you’re playing the role of a masculine “Hero.”  You’re the initiator.  You make the plans.  You pay.
 
If you call him, you can’t expect him to pick up the lead, invite you out and pay.  That’s not how it works.
 
If you want to chase him … if you want to pursue him … you have every right to do it. 
 
Carry on!  Just don’t forget your wallet.
 
2.  Don’t Call Him
 
This works beautifully when you don’t like the guy.
 
If he gives you his card and asks you to call, say “thank you” with a smile on your face and put it in your purse.
 
Keep smiling … knowing you will never have to see him again.
 
Of course if you like the guy and don’t call him … where does that leave you?
 
3.  Tell Him How You REALLY Feel
 
If the guy you like asks you to call and you know you don’t want to chase him, but you also know you’d like to see him again, here’s what you do:
 
First, thank him for inviting you to call.
 
Second, tell him you’re not comfortable calling men.
 
Third, tell him you feel better when he calls you and you will call him back.
 
If he calls you, he’s interested.  If he doesn’t, he’s not.  Wouldn’t you like to know if he’s into you sooner rather than later?
 
Thought so.  See how simple it is?

So give a guy a chance … even if he doesn’t meet your expectations on the first date.  He just may grow on you.
 
2.  My soul mate will understand what I need and give it to me without my having to ask.
 
It could happen.  You could meet a mind reader.  But don’t count on it.
 
As women, we think men get it.  They don’t.  They never will … not the way we get it.  They get something completely different.
 
Men aren’t built like us.  (Never will be.)
 
Men don’t speak like us.  (Never will.)
 
Men don’t think like us.  (Nope.  Never will.)
 
You may as well know … if you want a man to understand you and give you what you need, it’s a good idea to know how to speak his language so he can do just that.
 
3.  If the chemistry is great and the sex is hot, it means we should be together.
 
Right.  How many times have you tried to convince yourself of this one?  We’ve all been there.  Great sex isn’t all it takes to have a successful romantic relationship.  (Pity.)

We feel chemistry.  We have sex.  We get bonded.  We call it love.  It’s not.
 
It’s your sex hormones … your oxytocin.  Bonds you like crazy glue to a man, making you crave him (yummmm) but that doesn’t mean he’s a romantic fit.
 
Are you compatible? Do you even like the guy? Does he enhance your life?  These are ideas you want to consider for love. 
 
And if you get great sex too … well that’s an art!